Haiku for [T]H[u]er[sday]oes 2.0

Mr. Goose Egg
‘Til you came along,
we counted on our fingers
and toes. My hero!
~J~

Public Enemy #1
Not sure, but I think
The ‘D’ after Chuck stands for
“Dropping mad knowledge”
~J~

Earth, Wind, and Fire (and Water)
Each death brings new life.
A link in the chain, he is
ancient...and he’s twelve.
~J~

From the Book of Winston
A good rule of thumb:
If someone asks you if you’re
a god...you say “YES!”
~J~

Haiku for H[W]e[dnesday]roes 2.0

Die Even More Harder
Haven’t seen part 4,
but I’m guessing John McClane
lives through this one too.
~J~

Jim Henson
The Muppetmaster.
Paradigm of the adult
who never grew up.
~J~

Why I’m Not in a Comic Book
Night...Caped Crusader
Day.....A Billionaire playboy
I’d quit the night job.
~J~

October 14, 1912
Teddy Roosevelt
Spoke right after being shot
Respect his gangsta.
~P~

Delilah's and Do's
Samson reminds us
No one is immune from bad
Women and haircuts
~P~

Momofuku Ando
Lo mein or ramen
He saved hours and dollars
Call it what you will.
~P~

11-year old Bada$$
All U.S. cartoons
were for kids... cute and silly;
Then came Jonny Quest.
~J~

Clan of Goliath
They rise at sunset.
Entombed, for a thousand years,
beneath their own skin.
~J~

Haiku for Heroes 2.0

The Slayer
Each generation
a girl is chosen...and cursed.
Death, child, is your gift.
~J~

Return to Hyrule
A million stories,
And yet such a simple one.
The quest links them all.
~J~

Black Ops
Ninja and hero
Heart of a warrior, with
the Eyes of a Snake.
~J~

Six Films in Three Lines
Skywalker rises.
Birth, death, rebirth, and re-death.
Skywalker rises.
~J~

25.4 Million Dollar Man (Inflation Adjusted)
They could rebuild him
They had the technology
Just not symmetry
~P~

Jumpman
Look at the hang time
Look at the flying motion
Spectacular move!
~P~

La Mort du Prophète
You know you're big time
When POTUS wants poison put
Into your toothpaste
~P~

The Odyssey
King of Ancient Greece.
He defied the gods themselves...
Just to get back home.
~J~

Ya-Taa!
The clear favorite.
Space-time yields to him. His goal?
“Save the cheerleader...”
~J~

Sweet Sound of Chainsaw
The Necromicon -
The bane of my existence!
All right, WHO WANTS SOME?!
~J~

The Holi[Wednes]days

Bastille Day
The First Republic
Was short and tyrannical
Like Napoleon!
~P~

Patriot's Day
My New England heads
Know what's hood April 19th
Big up Paul Revere
~P~

Action de grâce
In Canadia
They don't pretend Thanksgiving
Helped the First Peoples
~P~

Festivus for the rest of us
All can celebrate
Chrismahanukwanzakah
Says Virgin Mobile
~H~

Blessed Be
Modern religion
Tried to kill the goddess faiths
But they still live on.
~H~

Native American Day—at least in South Dakota
They first crossed the straits
Turned this land into a home
Chris and Leif were guests
~H~

Envy – Christmas/Chanukah
Presents for 2 weeks!
That’s WAAY better than Christmas!
Why’d they get “chosen”?!
~J~

Holiday Benefits
Flight: Three hundred bucks.
Room and board: free. Meeting my
new nephew: priceless.
~J~

Word to the All-Mother
To be a “Wicca”
refers to neither Fozzie
nor the wheels of steel.
~J~

T[u]he[sday] Holidays (all holidays included)

Easter Egg Hunt
First you hide my food,
Then you make me go find it.
What would Jesus do?
~J~

Sloth - Halloween
Why bother writing?
They know you’ll see the new “Saw”
even if it sucks.
~J~

Greed - Christmas
The “Christmas Spirit”
Is only invoked by those
Who want stuff from you.
~J~

Wrath – Day after Thanksgiving
They can be brutal.
The murder charge might be worth it.
Flatscreens are on sale.
~J~

Winter Solstice
It's always darkest
Before the dawn, and coldest
Sans the bloody sun
~P~

Epiphany
Three wise men give gifts
On the 12th day of Christmas
And T-Pain's album
~P~

May Day
On the 1st of May,
Workers of the world unite!
(Except in the U.S.)
~P~

Time Loop
Ignore the "in" in
The line in "May Day" reading
"Except IN the U.S."
~P~

Time Loop
Ignore the "in" in
The line in "Time Loop" reading
"Except IN the U.S."
~P~

Pryde [& Lehnsherr] - Pesach
Kitty asked Erik
"Why is this day different
"From all other days?"
~P~

Billie Holliday
Chrisette Michele sounds
Sweeter than Macy Gray but
Neither is Not than Lady Day
~P~

Thwarted by New Year’s Day
Drunken partying,
Kisses and small explosives.
And yet – no clear sin.
~J~

Unofficial
Gaia smiles, pities
children who did not study.
Behold, a snow day!
~J~

The Holidays (all holidays included)

Holiday Mash Up
It's that time again -
Ho, Ho, Merry trick or thanks!
And Happy New Year!
~J~

Mark Your Calendars
My family does
Eid, Christmas, and Kwanzaa too.
No Chanukah...yet.
~J~

Stepson X-Mas
“It’s the thought that counts”?
You told me once you liked cash.
So what’s the problem?
~J~

Where is the Love?
Since we got Earth Day,
Arbor Day spends it’s minutes
just hating on it.
~J~

Guy Fawke's Day
Hugo Weaving owes
Blowing up a parliament
To Sherry Bobbins
~P~

Cinco De Mayo
This is about France;
Mexico defeated SPAIN
Late in September
~P~

[π] Day
If not March 14th,
July 22nd works
For the Commonwealth
~P~

Boxing Day
They used to box up
Scraps to give the poor in Englans
(No puglism)
~P~

“Chis is a Poseur” Day
Boycott Columbus
He didn’t discover sh!t!
Leif Erikson did.
~S~

Beg to Differ
Chris and Leif too bad...
The pharaohs were sniffing coke;
Trans-Atlantic trade?
~W~


“Most Bogus Holiday” Nominees
Groundhog’s, Valentine’s,
April Fool’s, Columbus...wait...
Daylight Savings count?
~J~

One True Religion
Universalists
Should get every religious
holiday’s day off.
~J~

Gluttony - Thanksgiving
The same time each year,
We literally eat food
Until we pass out
~J~

Lust – Valentine’s Day
It’s not about sex.
It’s about buying what you
hope will get you sex.
~J~

Envy - Talk Like a Pirate Day
Thou shalt not covet
Thy scurvy and pillaging
Neighbor’s funny voice.
~J~


John sends word down that
Holidays remain the theme;
Sins are a side-quest
~P~

Mardis Gras
How come Yom Kippur
Does not employ pre-gaming
Like Lent/Ash Wednesday?
~P~

Thout the First
Each sign I saw for
The Coptic Millennium
Looked dated to me
~P~

Music Histo[F]r[ida]y

Band of Brothers
A tune, now classic,
presented in a new way.
Enjoy the show, guys!
~J~


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_xn_OkAPn4

Music HisT[hursd]or[ay]

More Proof that I’m Old
Far less likely to
choose “The Morning Zoo” over
“Morning Edition”
~J~

Dark Side of the Rainbow
The Wizard of Oz
Meets “The Dark Side of The Moon” -
Redefines ‘trippy’.
~J~

Lady of Rage
“I rock rough and tough
With my afro puffs! (RAGE!) Rock
on wit ya bad self!”
~J~

Rhythm
The human body
is a corpus of rhythms.
Music binds us all.
~J~

Old school rap as work motivational tool
Salt and Pepa's here,
and we're in effect want you
to push it, baby
~H~

Two steps for this addiction
I love musicals.
Oklahoma, Maria
What melodic crack.
~H~

The face of evil
Did video kill
the radio star? Or was
it Diddy. You choose.
~H~

Tear Jerkers
I hate when movies
use music to make me cry.
Damn “Color Purple”!
~J~

Does anyone else
walk on beat when hot songs blare?
Damn you Beyonce!
~H~

As Old as Time
Hieroglyphics show
ancient wedding guests doing
The Electric Slide.
~J~

Some People Take it WAY Too Serously
Is it more shameful
to be bad at “Dance Dance” games
Or too good at them?
~J~

I Hope This Fits
“Cause Oscar Mayer
Has a way with B-O-L
O-G-N-A”....darn.
~J~

It Jiggles When It Jingles
J E L L O
Bill Cosby made it sound good
Kind of tastes like spit.
~H~

Don’t Worry, He’s Happy
Bobby McFerrin
conducts orchestras these days -
instruments and all.
~J~

Music Histor[Wednesda]y

Growing Pains
I know that we have
mp3’s now, but I just
Can’t trash my cassettes.
~J~

Ode to Galactica’s Number Six
More than a woman,
More than a woman to meee.
More than a woman....
~J~

Occupational Hazard
The danger here, is
that bad songs I write about
Get stuck in my head.
~J~

So Bad I Won’t Title This One
Yoko Ono and
Yo-Yo Ma’s breakthrough album;
“Ono! Yo MaMa!”
~J~

Music History

The Beat Goes On
8 tracks to iPods.
Our kids will have holograms
shooting from their eyes.
~J~

Oakland’s Finest
MC Hammer was
At once, the best and worst thing
To happen to rap
~J~

Hate to Break it to Ya
Just because you beat
“Guitar Hero” doesn’t mean
you can really play.
~J~

Considered but rejected
Just because you beat
"Guitar Hero" doesn¹t make
you Yoko Ono.
~J~

Go Bill, It's Your Birthday!
How I hope and pray
That they will, but today I
Am still just a bill...
~J~

Final Fantasy VII
With "One Winged Angel"
Uematsu got all geeks
Chanting "Sephiroth!"
~P~

English Gangster
Jay-Z tied Elvis
For most #1 albums
(Besides the Beatles)
~P~

Circle of Piracy
Thanks to BitTorrent
Finding albums is easy
Now the single dies
~P~

Red Carpet Massacre
Somehow Timbaland
And Duran Duran just work
(I'm no Justin fan)
~P~

J-Popped
I never liked it,
Till I heard Yokko Kanno
On “Ghost in the Shell”
~S~

It’s Not Music, Except to My Ears
Old-Time Radio:
Drama, Suspense, Mystery.
It makes the time fly.
~S~

PlanT[hur]s[day] and Animals/Fun With Science

Fiery crashes.
Planes careening off runways.
Science meets front page.
~H~

Vegetarians
Eschew meat, poultry, and fish.
And yes, shrimp is meat.
~H~

Seriously though
Daylight savings time’s a joke
Most of us don’t farm.
~H~

Think About It
“All-natural” foods
could still contain arsenic,
e.coli, rat turds...
~J~

Updating Slang
Why do “birds and bees”
mean sex? Shouldn’t we at least
talk about mammals?
~J~

Ironically...
Including real live
birds or bees greatly lower
the odds of “safe sex”
~J~

You won’t see it in the news…
Drug companies test
their meds on Third World patients
Tuskegee redux
~H~

GHB-laced toys in the news
Toys and date rape drugs
don’t mix…unless you’re a cheap
Chinese-based sweat shop
~H~

But aren’t cows vegetarian?
So red meat is bad
Red wine, fruit, veggies are good.
Damn, cows can’t read red.
~H~

My Final Bee Haiku
I’ve never been stung,
Which is why I’m scared to death
That I’m allergic.
~J~

Round One: FIGHT!
If Pokemon were
real, we’d be more likely to
forgive Michael Vick
~J~

W{h}en[S-Day] Science Kills Magic

Freedom of Choice
When amphibians
get mad, they can be like, “Yo,
@%# land, y’all! I’m OUT!”
~J~

Subatomic Interaction
When he goes swimming
does he get wet? Nobody
knows....Particle Maaan.
~J~

The One on “Tiny Tunes Adventures”
Dude! Particle Man!
Rock! Did you ever see the
Music video?
~S~

Been “Schoolhouse Rockin” Since 2pm
This morning, in fact -
Got nostalgic and watched it.
The joy of YouTube!
~J~

Schoolhouse Rock CD (or, The First Line Sounds Like Violence)
I’ll have to burn you...
A copy of the CD.
Old songs made anew.
~S~

Rainbows
A refraction of
Light through water vapor in
The Earth’s atmosphere
~J~

Bubbles
A phenomenon
caused by balanced air pressure
And surface tension
~J~

By the Way...
There is no Santa.
Your mom’s the Tooth Fairy, and
Your dad ain’t your dad.
~J~

Wolverine of the Sea
Starfish are able
To regenerate their limbs
(But not to be fish)
~P~

Colorblind (OR "Flashing Lights")
Even though I have
"Red-green polymorphism"
"Stop" differs from "Go"
~P~

Dry Ice (OR Unlike in Psychology)
Carbon dioxide
Goes straight from solid to gas
Sublimation rocks
~P~

PlanT[ue]s[day] and Animals / Fun with Science

Muppet Love Triangle
Yes, she loved Kermit
But it wasn’t meant to be -
She loved herself more.
~J~

The Mystery of Bees
Their flight: Should not be.
Their mind: Many create one.
Their voice: Sitcom guy.
~J~

Cardiology
Hearts have four chambers:
They hold love and hate, fear and joy.
To live, each must flow.
~J~

Frog Dissection
8th grade science lab.
“Nice work, John!” Thank you, sir, for
that creepy-a** praise.
~J~

See Food Diet
CastAway came on
Sunday, and reminded me
why I don’t eat crab.
~J~

Evolution of Comedy
Monkeys truly grasp
“the poop joke” on a level
We can’t comprehend
~J~

Is it just me?
“Sweet! Mr. Wizard!”
Looking back, he seems creepy,
Hanging with those kids.
~S~

It’s Not Just You
It was a great show.
No episode was complete
‘til something blew up.
~J~

The magazine, not the TV show
3-2-1 Contact,
Introduced me to mutants,
Comic book and real.
~S~

Sometimes it grosses me out
I love fried crawfish,
So tasty and crispy--”Yum!”
Then I think...”mudbug”
~S~

Plants and Animals / Fun with Science

The Food Chain
Vegetarians
disapprove when I eat meat -
At least meat can run.
~J~

Canus Familius
My first pet was a
little black dog, Emily.
The best mutt on Earth.
~J~

Lies Hanna-Barbera Told Me
If man and t-rex
shared the world (a la Flintstones),
We would be “Snack-kind”.
~J~

Eureka Moment
American kids
weren’t down with science, until
Coke mixed with Mentos.
~J~

Poultry Pride
Mickey Mouse was blocked
From "Disney Afternoon" by
Racist, talking ducks
~P~

Don't Do This With Hot Dogs
By combining both
Kiwi the bird and kiwi the fruit,
Sate hunger AND thirst.
~P~

Spooky, Scary
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah
Goes with many haiku themes
(Yay 5 syallbles!)
~P~

Opposites Are Wack
It still feels weird when
Aligning magnets so that
Two north poles repel
~P~

Try Goats and Mountain Climbers
Crossing a daschund
And a collie will not make
Welsh Corgis (sadly)
~P~

Best Costumes Seen

Bad Pick-Up Line
Angel wings, neck brace,
leg in cast. "Did it hurt when
you fell from heaven?"
~J~

Took Me a Second
Briefcase filled with cash,
Business suit and a skull mask...
Oh! “Death and Taxes!”
~J~