Hai-BOO

Trick-or-Treating for the Lazy
Costumes considered:
* Possessed (rude) ~JI~
* My favorite clone
~J~

Hostage Situation
“Hey! Just stay calm!
We’ll get you your Snickers, just
Put the T.P. Down!”
~J~

With Black Pants
What does ones wear as
A human Jack-O-Lantern?
Orange and black shirts
~P~

French Berry Lemonade
Paper bagged bottles
Look like 40 ounce liquor.
Thank you, Trader Joe's.
~P~

Tonight
Bad Movie Night Two,
And a Halloween party,
I’m off Thursday. Whew!
~S~

Dressing Up
An Undead Doctor,
A Spider Queen and Ninja,
Don’t ‘eff’ with my fam!
~S~

Werewolf
About once a month;
Body changes, raging hormones...
You have no idea.
~J~

Zombie
I can finally
Smoke without worry, but I
Forgot how to breathe.
~J~

Vampire in Iowa
What really bites
Is that the whole state shuts down
Around 6 pm.
~J~

Monaco
People believe my
Red blazer is a costume
(I just have bad taste)
~P~

Chernabog
Disney's best villain
Is in 'Night on Bald Mountain'
During Fantasia
~P~

First Costume of October (OR I stole the parentheses)
"Sexy" Snow White gets
(Extra-small?) protection from
7-11
~P~

30 Rock[efeller Center]
Werewolf bar mitzvah...
Boys becoming men and men
Becoming [lupine]
~P~

~M~ Did It
Can you imagine
Dressing up as Climate Change?
Abstract+Obtuse.
~P~

FreesT[uesda]yle

Outsourcing
Keep your head up, guys.
For an artist, at it’s best
C.A.’s a pit stop.
~J~

Delivery to the following recipients failed
“No ‘e’ in Burrows,”
~P~ says. Calls the e-mailman
A lie to his face.
~J~

Freestyle

Jin Au-Yeung
In b-boy battle
The best lines are improvised.
Open the cipher
~P~

FTR
~J~ sends his regards
This is no ursupation
(I'm the errand boy.)
~P~

computer crashes
far too many fonts
spinning ball of death appears
piece of crap locks-up
~c~

Monster Creation
Dinner with the fam,
Haiku Battle and pasta.
My son is a fan!
~S~

Worth Seeing Once
We watched “Deja Vu”.
Thriller with a sci-fi twist
I liked it, “Thumbs Up”
~J~

When the Fever Spreads
Haiku catches on -
Office productivity
slows down each Monday
~J~

Breaking Borders
Halimah and I
did “Haiku Scrabble” last week.
Fun and challenging
~J~

New title: "Traffic Manger"
What does it all mean?
Outscourcing to India,
To design the ads.
~S~

Overheard in 2005 (true story)
Brad told his girlfriend
That P. Diddy dropped the “P”.
“So...he’s just Uffy?”
~J~

Thunder and Lightning
God snaps his fingers.
We watch, like children, full of
fear and wonder.
~J~

My Kind of Humor
One of the greatest
license plates I’ve ever seen
read quote: “IM A JENIUS”
~J~

Birthday Thoughts
As I age, I find
what “old” is gets redefined
For my peace of mind.
~J~

The Hab IT[hursday] Crowd

Fried Coke
Have you heard of this?
“Fried Coke” goes by many names;
We just called it “crack”.
~J~

Aptly Named
Dyer’s Hamburgers
uses hundred-year-old grease.
“Shhhh, heart! I’m eating!”
~J~

She's Gotta Hab It

Most Smartest
Ben Stein’s newest show
Models prove they’re not all dumb
Hilarious stuff
~J~

Be Vewwy Qwiet...
No music playing.
The headphones are often to
deter discussions.
~J~

Requiem for a Sleepwalker
Dreams himself awake
Each step spans two living worlds
Floating like a stone
~J~

I Don’t Like Disco, But...
KC and his Band
got as high as the Sunshine,
but could still get down
~J~

Lactose Intolerance
I “tolerate” fine -
It’s the people around me
who have to worry.
~J~

Retro Starburst ft Optimus Lime
Even when I'm broke
If I see a new flavor
There's no stopping me
~P~

Perambulating Por Capitol
Cake and coworkers
Lure me from the computer
For indulgent walks
~P~

e.mail. cummings
E-mail aesthetics
Are more important to me
Than verbal content
~P~

e.mail. cummings?! Nice!
At first glance, I was worried
Where that was headed...
~J~

[Back in the] HabiT[ue]s[day]

Cheez-Its and Skittles
When do snacks become
meals? 3 handfuls? 3 pounds?
"Serving Size" my ***.
~J~

The Observer
I think Will has quit,
He's got no game to speak of,
Bring your haiku, man!
~J~

My Son's Favorite
Creamy mac and cheese.
A gourmet batch is in the works.
"Happy Birthday, Gray!"
~S~

Dirty Little Secret
Secretly, I'm mad
At everyone in the world
who's taller than me.
~J~

It Only Sounds Racist
“Happy Mexican”.
If I knew a way, I’d still
dine there once a week.
~J~

Telemarketers
I chat up a storm.
Films, the weather, anything
But what they called for.
~J~

Telemarketers II
I too am a fan,
Of playing games with callers:
“Jack’s Bar and Grill!”
~S~

Tips and Tricks
No walkthroughs for me.
If I can’t figure it out,
I don’t deserve it.
~J~

It’s A COOKBOOK!!
Every New Year’s Day,
We turn to SciFi and watch
Twilight Zone all day.
~J~

Bad Habits/Guilty Pleasures

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

Procrastination.
The bane I must overcome.
I'll get right on that.
~J~

Foody Call
It whispers to me.
Helplessly, I surrender.
Chocolatey goodness.
~J~

The Upside of Crack Addiction
Unlike most of you,
I’m never left wondering
Where the money goes.
~J~

Collector's Iterms
When new games come out
I'm first in line to buy them
But last to play them
~P~

Overheard
I'd rather record
Conversations that I hear
Than participate
~P~

Thanks for All the Fish
Stop offering me
Food that I'm allergic to.
Nuts are not worth death.
~P~

Ironically Approrpriate
I can't write witty
Headlines, subjects, or titles
So I choose nonsense
~P~

I Keep Very Old Receipts
In case in comes up,
I can tell you which toothpaste
I used in high school.
~J~

For the Look On Their Faces
I lock my car doors
whenever I’m in the ‘burbs
and white people walk by.
~J~

::Is Embarrassed::
Supernatural,
Teen drama. “The Covenant”
I loved that movie.
~S~

BCPH (bars of creamcheese per hour) [aka “inside joke”]
5 Bars of Cream Cheese,
I suggest no more than that.
Sherri eats that many.
~S~

Walkie Talkie
For reasons unknown,
I pace when I’m on the phone.
Laps in the kitchen.
~J~

X-Phile: Circa 1995
Don’t call. Don’t stop by.
John will be out of contact
‘til the credits roll.
~J~

5-7-5
Needless to say, folks,
This whole “weekly haiku” thing
clearly qualifies...
~J~

My Bad
{10/25/07 @ 10:52AM}
I just realized that
I didn't hit reply all.
Now read my haikus
~M~

Baked Goods?
They say it's bad to
partially hydrogenate.
These cupcakes are soft!
~M~

Winging It
I gave up on my
vegetarianism.
To eat chicken wings.
~M~

Carpe Diem
Beautiful Sunday,
ripe for productivity.
I'm sleeping past noon.
~M~

Mostly Grown Up
Every Friday -
A nice dinner with live jazz,
And then we watch Aang.
~J~

Mickey D’s
I know it’s crap, but
Those fries smell sooo goood! Damn you,
I AM lovin’ it!
~J~

[Wednes]Day Job

http://dealnews.com/features/Haiku-Reviews/192177.html
Haiku reviewer:
It's a clever idea but
don't quit your day job.
~M~

http://dailynewshaikus.com
That is his day job.
Videogames and Nerd tech.
Blow-up doll ordered.
~J~

Traveling 2[uesday]

The Mystery Machine
Homeless teenagers,
weed (let's be real), and a dog.
That van stank like hell.
~J~

Letter Monopoly
Somehow "A" and "B"
have cornered the alphabet
of our travel plans.
~J~

greyhound
memphis to Knoxville
12 hours via georgia.
smell of diesel, mmmm
~c~

The Dead
stoners and preppies
caravan for the summer
jerry was a God
~c~

If I Could Go Back
I’d meet the Ancients,
Greeks, Romans, Norse, Pyramid
Builders of Mankind.
~S~

Christopher C. Can Take a Flying Leap
The Vikings came first.
Why do we celebrate Chris?
I boycot 10-12.
~S~

schipol airport
walkways talk to you
constantly say, "mind your step".
Turkish man falls down
~c~

Riding on the Metro
It's not just a song
no smoking now on platform
les casseurs riot.
~c~

A Single Step...
Why go anywhere?
The internet can fit the
whole world in my lap.
~J~

Walking in Memphis (Also not just a song)
We went to Graceland.
Not as tacky as you’d think.
Well...the people were.
~J~

In the Future
Airlines will take you
Across the Solar System.
And still lose your bags.
~J~

Travelling

Vacation
Each time, ask if you’re
Heading toward someplace [or]
Or just fleeing where you are.
~J~

The New Mason-Dixon Line
The true test is if
your beverage options include
actual sweet tea.
~J~

One Second Per Second
Astride the arrow
we move in one direction...
Time travelers all.
~J~

Where the Heart Is
Moving from state to
State the obvious, home is
Relative(s). “Ashay”.
~J~

One Week
Mel and I, planning:
May in the Carribean.
Last year was perfect
~S~

Early Twenties
A trip to Cali,
The Dead, The Canyon, Vegas,
Desert and Mountain.
~S~

Pet Peeve #18
They go someplace new,
But spend all their time looking
for a McDonald’s.
~J~

Why We’re Doomed
Walked to work today.
Saved gas, money, the Earth...but
my feet hurt. Screw that.
~J~

Cloud Forest
Costa Rica was
the best vacation EVER.
Honeymoon magic...
~J~

Bi-weekly Means Semi-Weekly, but not vice versa
A "cheap" Disney trip
Costs twice (according to ads)
My post-tax paycheck
~P~

Although You're Less Likely to Get Shot Than in Jamaica
All of my siblings
Were born in The Bahamas.
That's no vacation.
~P~

Don't Get Me Wrong; Some of My Best Friends are Chinatown Buses
I refuse to ride
Any "Chinatown" buses
Where Greyhound costs less
~P~

An Old, Bad Joke
It’s called “rush hour”
But no one’s moving! Get it?!
HAI-KU-LARIOUS!
~J~

airports suck
shoes off then shoes on.
beep beep time for random search.
find nothing...miss plane.
~c~

the tax man and woman always cometh
lady republic
wants me to pay her taxes.
uncle sam does too.
~c~

no comprende
don't speak any french
i can still order a beer
but can't read a lick.
~c~

Thoughts from the Back of a Cab
You think you’re so smart,
slowing down to miss the light...
Your tip will suffer.
~J~

Learn the Language
After a year's stay,
a man at the market said
"Welcome to Cyprus!"
~M~

Don't Make Me Come Back There
One more time and I
swear I'll turn this car around.
"Dad, are we there yet?"
~M~

χ^2ldhood Memories

Childhood Mystery
The Wise One, when asked,
Solved the world’s greatest riddle...
“One, two-HOO, three! Three.”
~J~

A Chilhood Remembrance – Delayed
“Hollywood Feed” Ad,
Working Furious and Fast.
No time to write back.
~S~

The War Half Won
“Knowing,” Duke tells me,
“Is half the battle.” Advice,
never forgotten.
~S~

Black, Red, Blue, Yellow & Green
“And I’ll form the head!”
Says Keith, proudly leading the
five lion pilots
~S~

I want my MTV
My cable system
Had the box with the slider
And Dad’s remote? Me
~J~

School Lunch
Six-sided pizza,
French fries and chocolate milk
Write your own punchline.
~J~

Entertainment System
After school I was
kneeling in the living room,
playing with power.
~M~

Ben Winkler

Geico has an ad

Starring a Cabbage Patch Kid.

It's creepy on mute
~P~

Greg Havens
One: Death Star Playset,
Two: All the action figures.
Let’s play at his house!
~S~

“Eric Ran Away from the Fire”
Someday I’ll tell you
Of when my bro breathed fire.
Funny story...now.
~J~

Alien Life Form
Furry brown creature.
He was just like you and me
If we both ate cats.
~J~

Childhood Memories

Puberty
We are all ugly.
Everyone else...beautiful.
Alone together.
~J~

Alabama Summer
A dusty backyard,
Honeysuckle and sweet tea.
Too young to say thanks.
~J~

Thundercats Ho!
With staggering speed,
The character I liked most
became Cheetarah.
~J~

My Kingdom
Fast, not the fastest,
Not the smartest, or strongest...
But Dodgeball, I RULED.
~J~

On the Radio
The birth of Hip Hop.
The height of Big Hair Rock and Roll.
The death of Disco.
~J~

3-2-1 Contact
'Square One' taught me more
About 'Dragnet' and Pac-Man
Than actual math
~P~

Who Would Copy a Copy Company?
Mice had one button
Because only Macs Had Mice
(Don't tell Xerox-PARC)
~P~

Am I Misremembering This?
For chicken tenders
"A limited time only"
Meant "until I die."
~P~

Then and Now
If you’d have told me
I’d be paying for water,
I’d have dubbed that “wack”.
~J~

Just Like Old Times
I’ve got the game board,
called my friends, and set out snacks...
But no one’s playing :o(
~J~

Quality Time
I spent all morning
watching cartoons on TV.
All afternoon, too.
~M~

On Refreshment
Why does mom always
get soda or purple stuff?
Sunny D, alright!
~M~

Keeping Perspective
Watching my cartoons.
Junk food and drawing pictures.
You sure I grew up?
~J~

War is Heck, I guess
I learned from the shows
GI Joe and The A-Team
that war never kills.
~J~

Machine vs. Man

When do you guys start?
Or should I just jump in now?
I need haiku rules.
~P~

There are no rules here,
Well, aside from the format.
Let the games begin!
~J~

TODAY’S TOPIC: MACHINE vs. MAN

Factory Workers
The Future is now,
The work they do was once ours.
Should we build a fence?
~J~

Ode to Asimov
In service to man,
Or enslaving our people...
Either way, they’re cool.
~J~

WarGames
An 80’s classic!
Ferris Beuler saved the day!
“Shall we play a game?”
~J~

Alarm Clock
Yesterday was yours,
But now I'm ready for you!
I thwart thee! "Snooze" bi**h!
~J~

2.0?
Old Megtron +
A Ginsu knife set =
The NEW Megatron
~J~

Off Topic
"Michael Benedict"
Makes me hungry for eggs with
Hollandaise and ham.

~S~

Growing Up

Ha! Eggs Benedict!

A clever discovery!

It's an old joke though.

~M~

I.T.
The internet's great -
I get work done much faster.
Look, pictures of cats!
~M~

The Commuter
As a boy I thought
I would be an astronaut.
Step back, doors closing.
~M~

Not the Musical
"Deep blue" used to mean
The sea. Now, it beats the champ,
Garry Kasparov
~S~

Terminated
Lumbering, gleaming,
Zombies of metal. Killing.
Skynet must have won
~S ~

Falling Minmei
Lurching and reaching,
Rick fights his metal giant,
he must gain control!
~S ~

America's Pastime
Thanks to Nintendo
I am no longer ashamed
To play with my Wii.
~J~

Shaqpunk (aka John, I Mean, It's Right There)
The obvious choice
Is John Henry and the train
You want a do-over?
~P~

More Machine than Man
The Emperor dies
By the hand of Skywalker
And vice versa
~P ~

Enterprising
We boldly go where
Resistance may be futile
But plots are fertile
~P ~

The Fall Guy
Upon reflection,
Steve Austin WAS tailor-made
To be a stuntman.
~J~

Good Enough
We can rebuild him.
We have the technology...
but it's time for lunch.
~M~

Act Now
Easy installments
of $99.99
will not tone your abs.
~M~

Tact
I wanted to call,
but it fell in the toilet.
Baby, you're the best.
~M~

Alien Librarian
Krypton is no more
I contain its history
And fight its last son
~P ~

Funny, She Doesn't Look Druish
It was the last time
A "live-action" transformer
Was designed to suck
~P ~

Couldn't Afford an Online Archive of News Articles So She Named Her Daughter Alexis-Nexis [aka {Wikiality}]
We need paper trails
Otherwise we change the past
To fit our needs
~P ~

Advanced Civilization
Most popular use of
Nanite technology?
Curing hangovers.
~J~

Unchecked
When science goes wrong,
Untold horrors can arise.
Ergo, “Turbo Teen.”
~J~

Overheard Six Years Ago...
You don’t understand.
The mission is all that matters.
I am sorry, Dave.
~J~

“Nice Shell!”
Woman and machine,
Motoko Kusanagi.
Strength through ghost hacking.
~S~

Man vs. Machine
Dark deserted road...
18-wheeler meets John Doe.
18-wheeler wins.
~J~