I’m Not French
When I tell people
That I’m an artist, they say,
“Ah, an ar-teest, hunh?”
~J~
I’m Not Perfect
Cell phones left on at
the movies...especially
when it’s my cell phone.
~J~
I’m Not Deaf...yet
THAT COMMERCIAL GUY!
YOU KNOW - THE ORANGE-GLO GUY!
STOP YELLING AT ME!!
~J~
Valentimes
Once heart shaped candy
is half off at CVS,
the thought doesn't count.
~m~
Right of Way
Cars in bike lanes are
wholly inconsiderate!
(unless I'm driving)
~m~
Not that Hard
Give grammar its due.
It's just an apostrophe.
It is what it is.
~m~
Guyfromtheparty
If I were [Umphum],
my biggest pet peeve would be,
being called (pause), “Eggs”
~S~
Right of Way Pt. 2
Not a suggestion,
but mandated by the law.
Please use the crosswalk!
~S~
Change I can believe in.
Don’t ask me if I...
Need any change? I sure do.
Your tip comes later.
~S~
MemPhiS
~W~ has moved,
To a new job with the state.
T’was time to move on.
ankle exposure
pants that are too short:
how is it you keep shrinking?
I've owned you 3 years!
~E[dot]S~
it's a simple algorithm
i just can't abide
those who don't 'get' google search.
(mostly my intern.)
~E[dot]S~
"that's how i met my wife"
a wink and a nudge
are not appreciated
when i say "i dance."
~E[dot]S~
get a life
'jenlovesdave@mail':
pairs who share email accounts
deserve what they get.
~E[dot]S~
an argument i can't see both sides of
torn on real issues,
i'm forced to focus my ire
on michael buble.
~E[dot]S~
dear roommates
just match the f*ing
tupperware with the right lid.
it takes 5 seconds.
~E[dot]S~
Old Memes
Irony is not
An excuse to employ your
Borat impression
~P~
Signifying Nothing
Refrain from using
The word "hipster" if you can't
Provide its meaning
~P~
Fever Pitch
Avoid dismissing
Basketball as "just a game"
Lest you end up fouled
~P~
Stupid Logical Weekly Cleaning
Would that it weren’t so,
But the hardest spots to reach
gather the most dust
~J~
False Purse-pective
Who’s wearing what dress
On the red carpet does not
Count as “Breaking News”
~J~
Atmospheric Blindness
Stepping into warmth
from the frigid world outside
Clouds my four-eyed sight
~J~
