Boundaries, Borders, and Bridge - 五

www.lenlow.com
"Mahna Mahna" plus
Kanye's "Gold Digger" equals
Best mash-up ever
~P~

Golden Parachute
Friends with benefits
Are best utilized by the
Polyamorous
~P~

X-Men
Dating co-workers
Is a crash course in why you
Don't pee where you drink
~P~

X-Mas
With Amazon Prime
I have til Sunday morning
For "last minute" gifts
~P~

Deadline
We scramble like mad,
Because one minute too late
Means it won’t matter
~J~

Flatline
Stress? Diet, maybe?
Her life, others’ lives drift by -
Arm numbs, vision blurs...
~J~

Lifeline
An ocean of light...
They struggle to reel her back
from the other side.
~J~

Boundaries, Borders, and Bridge - 三

Celery Segregation
Folks who get grossed out
when the foods on their plates touch
make me laugh inside.
~J~

Missing Link
His skills as hunter
greatly improve following
his morning coffee.
~J~

When I Became a Baller
I knew I’d made it
when I paid cash at a place
with real silverware.
~J~

The Glass Ceiling
Although it’s painful,
bumping your head cuts less deep
than when you break through.
~J~

Boundaries, Borders, and Bridges 二

States of Confusion
Outside the “Mid-South”
No one knows exactly
What the “Mid-South” is.
~J~

At 12:01
How does one describe
“after midnight”? Monday morning
Or Sunday night?
~J~

The Portal
A parallel Earth
stared back at me through the rip.
What a handsome guy!
~J~

the suburbs
its not the same here
its where you don't want to go
wait, it is the same
~c~

speaking of midnight
the hour is near. i'm tired.
more haiku later...
~c~

Games and Entertainment - Parasceve

Not Really a Game
About once a month,
I get to play “what’s that smell?”
with our fridge. Good times...
~J~

Heat Miser and Friends
Piss-poor quality
and nostalgia duke it out
each year at Christmas.
~J~

Now You See Them? No, You Don’t.
On our Vegas trip,
We saw Penn & Teller live...
Rent the video.
~J~

Balancing Act
When I am inclined*
I’ll juggle or do handstands.

*Read “inclined” as “drunk”
~J~

I’m just curious;
Has anyone tried the one-foot
elevator thing?
~J~

Karaoke
Japanese/English
Meaning "Empty Orchestra"
Or "theater nerd fun"
~P~

Sweet Science
Hockeyfights(dot)com
Shows the league leaders in brawls
Are the Mighty Ducks
~P~

You're The Man Now, Dog
Would Sean Connery
Be proud if he ever saw
YTMND?
~P~

They Didn't Call Him "Little" Mac for Nothin' OR Sweet Science the Second
"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out"
Features a form of boxing
Without weight classes
~P~

Dark Apprentice
With luck, the Wii-mote
will reach it’s full potential
with The Force Unleashed
~J~

No Network Available
Riding the subway
is the only time I play
the games on my phone.
~J~

Cynical Afternoon Lineup
Blind Date • Dating Game •
Newlywed Game • Divorce Court •
Flavor of Love • COPS
~J~

Games and EntertainmenT[hursday]

Y’Know, for Kids!
A dubious pride
comes with being too good
at hula hooping.
~J~

Netflix Makes it Happen
Well, Shawn, you were right.
My new favorite show
is Supernatural.
~J~

Soviet Blocks
Back in the 90’s,
1 out of 4 teens battled
Tetris Addiction.
~J~

Skeeter Weeter
We made “water guns”
from used plastic squeeze bottles.
Lemon-scented fun.
~J~

Close Encounters of the Rhythm Kind
"Guitar Hero" owes
"PaRappa the Rappa," which
In turn owes "Simon."
~P~

Sims Attitude Disorder
It's depressing to
Do better in the game "Life"
Than in your real life
~P~

Locomotion
We all know the song
Yet its eponymous dance
Is long forgotten
~P~

Starlight Express
Just because you can
Do something on roller skates
Does not mean you *should*
~P~

Six Degrees Later
Shia Lebeouf is
like the new Kevin Bacon -
He’s in everything.
~J~

The Numbers Game
For me, sudoku’s
too much effort to not get
a prize at the end.
~J~

Games and Entertainment

Scattergories Done Properly
It caused some debate,
But the jury’s in; crickets
are farm animals
~J~

The Addict
“My name’s Jim...” (Hi Jim!)
“I lost everything to high-stakes
Rock/Paper/Scissors.”
~J~

The Bridge to Terabithia
Entertaining? Check.
Saddest little film no child
should ever see? Check.
~J~

Marble Madness
Perchance the game board
for Jewish Checkers is a
big yin-yang symbol.
~J~

Trickier Than it Sounds
After the doors close,
stand on one leg as you ride
the elevator.
~J~

PokeMon
Rock Paper Scissors
With a dash of cock fighting
And big game hunting
~P~

Skip It
The best thing of all?
There's a counter on this ball!
The goal's not to fall.
~P~

Captain N
The creepiest part?
Not the huge, sentient Game Boy.
Mother Brain's lipstick.
~P~

On Wii
Bowling or baseball
With a flick of the wrist
I will get a strike
~P~

Japan Only? No more!
Vitual Console,
How I love thee. Download this:
Alien Soldier
~S~

Virtually Fun
I forgot how hard,
Classic video games are.
Good graphics or not.
~S~

Super Mario Brothers
We’re playing the third.
I dig the t[a]nuki suit,
But I hate the flute.
~S~

Oregon Trail
How can you forget
The very first time you died
Of dysentery?
~P~

20 Sided Die
Icosahedron
Exist only for use in
Dungeons and Dragons
~P~

Faster than that Hog in the Hedges
"There's nothing more cool
"Than being hugged by someone
"You like," Sonic sez.
~P~

Duck Hunt
More than anything
I wanted to shoot the grin
Off that bloody dog
~P~

All Good Things...
When I was younger
it was great! As an adult,
peek-a-boo gets old.
~J~

Masters of the Universe
Katamari Time!
Come for the gravity ball,
stay for the muzak!
~J~

Right Foot Blue
Twister was a hit
‘cuz everyone, everywhere
goes through puberty.
~J~

Cosmic Justice
Mass Effect, people.
Choose-your-own-adventure meets
sci-fi /action game.
~J~

Random Ph[r]i[day]losophy

Carpe Diem
Sooner or later
time makes worm-food of us all.
The next round’s on me!
~J~

Everything in Moderation
Balance rules all things.
Even balance itself is
balanced by chaos.
~J~

Law of the Jungle
“...therefore, your honor,
‘hakuna matata’ is
a valid defense.”
~J~

?????
Vegetables are like
the accountant cousins of
the fruit family.
~J~

Ecosystem
Go beyond searching:
Blog[ger], map[s], [G]mail, and shop!
Just don't be evil.
~P~

Mt Everest XP SP2
I obsessively
Get upgrades for my OS
Because they are there
~P~

Back that Ash Up
Don't say anything
If you can't say something nice
(Or really funny)
~P~

Random Philosop[T]h[ursda]y

Not THAT O.J.
In the 70’s
The O’Jays released their hit
song, “The Backstabbers”.
~J~

Name That Tune
When “Alternative”
Becomes the mainstream’s music,
What do you call it?
~J~

Bohemian Confession
Forgive me Karma,
for I have sinned. I guess you
must know that by now...
~J~

Francophilia
All words sound better
When translated into French
Even the word "bleu"
~P~

Slogan's Run
When you think different
And you're playing with power
You can just do it
~P~

Stoicism
Not that I don't care
But if I pretend I don't
I can trick myself
~P~

Hedonism
Greatest Happiness
Maximized for me, by me
Everybody wins!
~P~

Daily Maintenance
The human body
needs 30 minutes of fun
for peak performance.
~J~

Hocus Pocus
Satan’s greatest trick
was convincing the whole world
to fight over God.
~J~

First Date Hell
A praying mantis
not only chooses its mates,
but chewses its mates.
~J~

The Gift that Keeps on Giving
Know what means never
having to say you’re sorry?
Two words: “Time machine”.
~J~

Random Philosophy

Praise the Stupid
Thank God for morons.
Wouldn't it suck if no one
Were dumber than you?
~J~

It's All in the Accent (May need to be read aloud)
Disrespect women;
You're a playa. In Spanish,
"playa" means "beach". Hmm...
~J~

Infinity
One bean in a pouch
is an infinite amount,
if it’s always there.
~J~

Tastes Like Chicken
Can someone explain
why “Sweet Home Alabama”
is KFC’s theme?
~J~

Pareve on [C]Hannukkah Eve
Allergic to shrimp?
Think bacon is too fatty?
You keep kosher!
~P~

Why I Miss Vegan PartiesPotlucks
Creative Cuisine
Moral high ground, but mostly:
They made me feel tall
~P~

Amish
The horse keeps drowning
Otherwise they'd water ski
(Plus it's the devil)
~P~

...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Undead Japanese Poetry

Peanut Gallery
For weeks no haiku,
Mondays dry and humorless.
Inner poet weeps.
~m~

Be a Drupal
Perhaps you should try
Giving us a new topic
Not meta-haiku
~P~

I'll send a topic
if J's not around today
(to not step on toes)
~m~

I imagine that
John will turn off his message
After he gets in
~P~

By the by, do you
Like how I have preserved the
Chronology here?
~P~

P-awe
Time-ordered emails;
guitar hero super skills;
you do not cease to amaze.
~E[dot]S~

P-questions
Man of great talent,
complete with 3-D vision.
But is it Sen or Sir?
~E[dot]S~

Awww, E[dot]S
Sarcasm moves me
We should be "friends" on Facebook
Behind m's's back
~P~

You Can't Spelll GTVO Without TV
To a honor a friend's
Quest to elect Jim Martin
I have changed my name
~P~

That's what she said?
I dig where you're at.
Everything is more fun
done behind m's back.
~E[dot]S~

Edward Cullen Is a Pedophile
Let's pretend I read
This 17 Year-Old's blog
For zombie haiku

Haiku for [T]H[u]er[sday]oes 2.0

Mr. Goose Egg
‘Til you came along,
we counted on our fingers
and toes. My hero!
~J~

Public Enemy #1
Not sure, but I think
The ‘D’ after Chuck stands for
“Dropping mad knowledge”
~J~

Earth, Wind, and Fire (and Water)
Each death brings new life.
A link in the chain, he is
ancient...and he’s twelve.
~J~

From the Book of Winston
A good rule of thumb:
If someone asks you if you’re
a god...you say “YES!”
~J~

Haiku for H[W]e[dnesday]roes 2.0

Die Even More Harder
Haven’t seen part 4,
but I’m guessing John McClane
lives through this one too.
~J~

Jim Henson
The Muppetmaster.
Paradigm of the adult
who never grew up.
~J~

Why I’m Not in a Comic Book
Night...Caped Crusader
Day.....A Billionaire playboy
I’d quit the night job.
~J~

October 14, 1912
Teddy Roosevelt
Spoke right after being shot
Respect his gangsta.
~P~

Delilah's and Do's
Samson reminds us
No one is immune from bad
Women and haircuts
~P~

Momofuku Ando
Lo mein or ramen
He saved hours and dollars
Call it what you will.
~P~

11-year old Bada$$
All U.S. cartoons
were for kids... cute and silly;
Then came Jonny Quest.
~J~

Clan of Goliath
They rise at sunset.
Entombed, for a thousand years,
beneath their own skin.
~J~

Haiku for Heroes 2.0

The Slayer
Each generation
a girl is chosen...and cursed.
Death, child, is your gift.
~J~

Return to Hyrule
A million stories,
And yet such a simple one.
The quest links them all.
~J~

Black Ops
Ninja and hero
Heart of a warrior, with
the Eyes of a Snake.
~J~

Six Films in Three Lines
Skywalker rises.
Birth, death, rebirth, and re-death.
Skywalker rises.
~J~

25.4 Million Dollar Man (Inflation Adjusted)
They could rebuild him
They had the technology
Just not symmetry
~P~

Jumpman
Look at the hang time
Look at the flying motion
Spectacular move!
~P~

La Mort du Prophète
You know you're big time
When POTUS wants poison put
Into your toothpaste
~P~

The Odyssey
King of Ancient Greece.
He defied the gods themselves...
Just to get back home.
~J~

Ya-Taa!
The clear favorite.
Space-time yields to him. His goal?
“Save the cheerleader...”
~J~

Sweet Sound of Chainsaw
The Necromicon -
The bane of my existence!
All right, WHO WANTS SOME?!
~J~

The Holi[Wednes]days

Bastille Day
The First Republic
Was short and tyrannical
Like Napoleon!
~P~

Patriot's Day
My New England heads
Know what's hood April 19th
Big up Paul Revere
~P~

Action de grâce
In Canadia
They don't pretend Thanksgiving
Helped the First Peoples
~P~

Festivus for the rest of us
All can celebrate
Chrismahanukwanzakah
Says Virgin Mobile
~H~

Blessed Be
Modern religion
Tried to kill the goddess faiths
But they still live on.
~H~

Native American Day—at least in South Dakota
They first crossed the straits
Turned this land into a home
Chris and Leif were guests
~H~

Envy – Christmas/Chanukah
Presents for 2 weeks!
That’s WAAY better than Christmas!
Why’d they get “chosen”?!
~J~

Holiday Benefits
Flight: Three hundred bucks.
Room and board: free. Meeting my
new nephew: priceless.
~J~

Word to the All-Mother
To be a “Wicca”
refers to neither Fozzie
nor the wheels of steel.
~J~

T[u]he[sday] Holidays (all holidays included)

Easter Egg Hunt
First you hide my food,
Then you make me go find it.
What would Jesus do?
~J~

Sloth - Halloween
Why bother writing?
They know you’ll see the new “Saw”
even if it sucks.
~J~

Greed - Christmas
The “Christmas Spirit”
Is only invoked by those
Who want stuff from you.
~J~

Wrath – Day after Thanksgiving
They can be brutal.
The murder charge might be worth it.
Flatscreens are on sale.
~J~

Winter Solstice
It's always darkest
Before the dawn, and coldest
Sans the bloody sun
~P~

Epiphany
Three wise men give gifts
On the 12th day of Christmas
And T-Pain's album
~P~

May Day
On the 1st of May,
Workers of the world unite!
(Except in the U.S.)
~P~

Time Loop
Ignore the "in" in
The line in "May Day" reading
"Except IN the U.S."
~P~

Time Loop
Ignore the "in" in
The line in "Time Loop" reading
"Except IN the U.S."
~P~

Pryde [& Lehnsherr] - Pesach
Kitty asked Erik
"Why is this day different
"From all other days?"
~P~

Billie Holliday
Chrisette Michele sounds
Sweeter than Macy Gray but
Neither is Not than Lady Day
~P~

Thwarted by New Year’s Day
Drunken partying,
Kisses and small explosives.
And yet – no clear sin.
~J~

Unofficial
Gaia smiles, pities
children who did not study.
Behold, a snow day!
~J~

The Holidays (all holidays included)

Holiday Mash Up
It's that time again -
Ho, Ho, Merry trick or thanks!
And Happy New Year!
~J~

Mark Your Calendars
My family does
Eid, Christmas, and Kwanzaa too.
No Chanukah...yet.
~J~

Stepson X-Mas
“It’s the thought that counts”?
You told me once you liked cash.
So what’s the problem?
~J~

Where is the Love?
Since we got Earth Day,
Arbor Day spends it’s minutes
just hating on it.
~J~

Guy Fawke's Day
Hugo Weaving owes
Blowing up a parliament
To Sherry Bobbins
~P~

Cinco De Mayo
This is about France;
Mexico defeated SPAIN
Late in September
~P~

[π] Day
If not March 14th,
July 22nd works
For the Commonwealth
~P~

Boxing Day
They used to box up
Scraps to give the poor in Englans
(No puglism)
~P~

“Chis is a Poseur” Day
Boycott Columbus
He didn’t discover sh!t!
Leif Erikson did.
~S~

Beg to Differ
Chris and Leif too bad...
The pharaohs were sniffing coke;
Trans-Atlantic trade?
~W~


“Most Bogus Holiday” Nominees
Groundhog’s, Valentine’s,
April Fool’s, Columbus...wait...
Daylight Savings count?
~J~

One True Religion
Universalists
Should get every religious
holiday’s day off.
~J~

Gluttony - Thanksgiving
The same time each year,
We literally eat food
Until we pass out
~J~

Lust – Valentine’s Day
It’s not about sex.
It’s about buying what you
hope will get you sex.
~J~

Envy - Talk Like a Pirate Day
Thou shalt not covet
Thy scurvy and pillaging
Neighbor’s funny voice.
~J~


John sends word down that
Holidays remain the theme;
Sins are a side-quest
~P~

Mardis Gras
How come Yom Kippur
Does not employ pre-gaming
Like Lent/Ash Wednesday?
~P~

Thout the First
Each sign I saw for
The Coptic Millennium
Looked dated to me
~P~

Music Histo[F]r[ida]y

Band of Brothers
A tune, now classic,
presented in a new way.
Enjoy the show, guys!
~J~


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_xn_OkAPn4

Music HisT[hursd]or[ay]

More Proof that I’m Old
Far less likely to
choose “The Morning Zoo” over
“Morning Edition”
~J~

Dark Side of the Rainbow
The Wizard of Oz
Meets “The Dark Side of The Moon” -
Redefines ‘trippy’.
~J~

Lady of Rage
“I rock rough and tough
With my afro puffs! (RAGE!) Rock
on wit ya bad self!”
~J~

Rhythm
The human body
is a corpus of rhythms.
Music binds us all.
~J~

Old school rap as work motivational tool
Salt and Pepa's here,
and we're in effect want you
to push it, baby
~H~

Two steps for this addiction
I love musicals.
Oklahoma, Maria
What melodic crack.
~H~

The face of evil
Did video kill
the radio star? Or was
it Diddy. You choose.
~H~

Tear Jerkers
I hate when movies
use music to make me cry.
Damn “Color Purple”!
~J~

Does anyone else
walk on beat when hot songs blare?
Damn you Beyonce!
~H~

As Old as Time
Hieroglyphics show
ancient wedding guests doing
The Electric Slide.
~J~

Some People Take it WAY Too Serously
Is it more shameful
to be bad at “Dance Dance” games
Or too good at them?
~J~

I Hope This Fits
“Cause Oscar Mayer
Has a way with B-O-L
O-G-N-A”....darn.
~J~

It Jiggles When It Jingles
J E L L O
Bill Cosby made it sound good
Kind of tastes like spit.
~H~

Don’t Worry, He’s Happy
Bobby McFerrin
conducts orchestras these days -
instruments and all.
~J~

Music Histor[Wednesda]y

Growing Pains
I know that we have
mp3’s now, but I just
Can’t trash my cassettes.
~J~

Ode to Galactica’s Number Six
More than a woman,
More than a woman to meee.
More than a woman....
~J~

Occupational Hazard
The danger here, is
that bad songs I write about
Get stuck in my head.
~J~

So Bad I Won’t Title This One
Yoko Ono and
Yo-Yo Ma’s breakthrough album;
“Ono! Yo MaMa!”
~J~

Music History

The Beat Goes On
8 tracks to iPods.
Our kids will have holograms
shooting from their eyes.
~J~

Oakland’s Finest
MC Hammer was
At once, the best and worst thing
To happen to rap
~J~

Hate to Break it to Ya
Just because you beat
“Guitar Hero” doesn’t mean
you can really play.
~J~

Considered but rejected
Just because you beat
"Guitar Hero" doesn¹t make
you Yoko Ono.
~J~

Go Bill, It's Your Birthday!
How I hope and pray
That they will, but today I
Am still just a bill...
~J~

Final Fantasy VII
With "One Winged Angel"
Uematsu got all geeks
Chanting "Sephiroth!"
~P~

English Gangster
Jay-Z tied Elvis
For most #1 albums
(Besides the Beatles)
~P~

Circle of Piracy
Thanks to BitTorrent
Finding albums is easy
Now the single dies
~P~

Red Carpet Massacre
Somehow Timbaland
And Duran Duran just work
(I'm no Justin fan)
~P~

J-Popped
I never liked it,
Till I heard Yokko Kanno
On “Ghost in the Shell”
~S~

It’s Not Music, Except to My Ears
Old-Time Radio:
Drama, Suspense, Mystery.
It makes the time fly.
~S~

PlanT[hur]s[day] and Animals/Fun With Science

Fiery crashes.
Planes careening off runways.
Science meets front page.
~H~

Vegetarians
Eschew meat, poultry, and fish.
And yes, shrimp is meat.
~H~

Seriously though
Daylight savings time’s a joke
Most of us don’t farm.
~H~

Think About It
“All-natural” foods
could still contain arsenic,
e.coli, rat turds...
~J~

Updating Slang
Why do “birds and bees”
mean sex? Shouldn’t we at least
talk about mammals?
~J~

Ironically...
Including real live
birds or bees greatly lower
the odds of “safe sex”
~J~

You won’t see it in the news…
Drug companies test
their meds on Third World patients
Tuskegee redux
~H~

GHB-laced toys in the news
Toys and date rape drugs
don’t mix…unless you’re a cheap
Chinese-based sweat shop
~H~

But aren’t cows vegetarian?
So red meat is bad
Red wine, fruit, veggies are good.
Damn, cows can’t read red.
~H~

My Final Bee Haiku
I’ve never been stung,
Which is why I’m scared to death
That I’m allergic.
~J~

Round One: FIGHT!
If Pokemon were
real, we’d be more likely to
forgive Michael Vick
~J~

W{h}en[S-Day] Science Kills Magic

Freedom of Choice
When amphibians
get mad, they can be like, “Yo,
@%# land, y’all! I’m OUT!”
~J~

Subatomic Interaction
When he goes swimming
does he get wet? Nobody
knows....Particle Maaan.
~J~

The One on “Tiny Tunes Adventures”
Dude! Particle Man!
Rock! Did you ever see the
Music video?
~S~

Been “Schoolhouse Rockin” Since 2pm
This morning, in fact -
Got nostalgic and watched it.
The joy of YouTube!
~J~

Schoolhouse Rock CD (or, The First Line Sounds Like Violence)
I’ll have to burn you...
A copy of the CD.
Old songs made anew.
~S~

Rainbows
A refraction of
Light through water vapor in
The Earth’s atmosphere
~J~

Bubbles
A phenomenon
caused by balanced air pressure
And surface tension
~J~

By the Way...
There is no Santa.
Your mom’s the Tooth Fairy, and
Your dad ain’t your dad.
~J~

Wolverine of the Sea
Starfish are able
To regenerate their limbs
(But not to be fish)
~P~

Colorblind (OR "Flashing Lights")
Even though I have
"Red-green polymorphism"
"Stop" differs from "Go"
~P~

Dry Ice (OR Unlike in Psychology)
Carbon dioxide
Goes straight from solid to gas
Sublimation rocks
~P~

PlanT[ue]s[day] and Animals / Fun with Science

Muppet Love Triangle
Yes, she loved Kermit
But it wasn’t meant to be -
She loved herself more.
~J~

The Mystery of Bees
Their flight: Should not be.
Their mind: Many create one.
Their voice: Sitcom guy.
~J~

Cardiology
Hearts have four chambers:
They hold love and hate, fear and joy.
To live, each must flow.
~J~

Frog Dissection
8th grade science lab.
“Nice work, John!” Thank you, sir, for
that creepy-a** praise.
~J~

See Food Diet
CastAway came on
Sunday, and reminded me
why I don’t eat crab.
~J~

Evolution of Comedy
Monkeys truly grasp
“the poop joke” on a level
We can’t comprehend
~J~

Is it just me?
“Sweet! Mr. Wizard!”
Looking back, he seems creepy,
Hanging with those kids.
~S~

It’s Not Just You
It was a great show.
No episode was complete
‘til something blew up.
~J~

The magazine, not the TV show
3-2-1 Contact,
Introduced me to mutants,
Comic book and real.
~S~

Sometimes it grosses me out
I love fried crawfish,
So tasty and crispy--”Yum!”
Then I think...”mudbug”
~S~

Plants and Animals / Fun with Science

The Food Chain
Vegetarians
disapprove when I eat meat -
At least meat can run.
~J~

Canus Familius
My first pet was a
little black dog, Emily.
The best mutt on Earth.
~J~

Lies Hanna-Barbera Told Me
If man and t-rex
shared the world (a la Flintstones),
We would be “Snack-kind”.
~J~

Eureka Moment
American kids
weren’t down with science, until
Coke mixed with Mentos.
~J~

Poultry Pride
Mickey Mouse was blocked
From "Disney Afternoon" by
Racist, talking ducks
~P~

Don't Do This With Hot Dogs
By combining both
Kiwi the bird and kiwi the fruit,
Sate hunger AND thirst.
~P~

Spooky, Scary
Werewolf Bar Mitzvah
Goes with many haiku themes
(Yay 5 syallbles!)
~P~

Opposites Are Wack
It still feels weird when
Aligning magnets so that
Two north poles repel
~P~

Try Goats and Mountain Climbers
Crossing a daschund
And a collie will not make
Welsh Corgis (sadly)
~P~

Best Costumes Seen

Bad Pick-Up Line
Angel wings, neck brace,
leg in cast. "Did it hurt when
you fell from heaven?"
~J~

Took Me a Second
Briefcase filled with cash,
Business suit and a skull mask...
Oh! “Death and Taxes!”
~J~

Hai-BOO

Trick-or-Treating for the Lazy
Costumes considered:
* Possessed (rude) ~JI~
* My favorite clone
~J~

Hostage Situation
“Hey! Just stay calm!
We’ll get you your Snickers, just
Put the T.P. Down!”
~J~

With Black Pants
What does ones wear as
A human Jack-O-Lantern?
Orange and black shirts
~P~

French Berry Lemonade
Paper bagged bottles
Look like 40 ounce liquor.
Thank you, Trader Joe's.
~P~

Tonight
Bad Movie Night Two,
And a Halloween party,
I’m off Thursday. Whew!
~S~

Dressing Up
An Undead Doctor,
A Spider Queen and Ninja,
Don’t ‘eff’ with my fam!
~S~

Werewolf
About once a month;
Body changes, raging hormones...
You have no idea.
~J~

Zombie
I can finally
Smoke without worry, but I
Forgot how to breathe.
~J~

Vampire in Iowa
What really bites
Is that the whole state shuts down
Around 6 pm.
~J~

Monaco
People believe my
Red blazer is a costume
(I just have bad taste)
~P~

Chernabog
Disney's best villain
Is in 'Night on Bald Mountain'
During Fantasia
~P~

First Costume of October (OR I stole the parentheses)
"Sexy" Snow White gets
(Extra-small?) protection from
7-11
~P~

30 Rock[efeller Center]
Werewolf bar mitzvah...
Boys becoming men and men
Becoming [lupine]
~P~

~M~ Did It
Can you imagine
Dressing up as Climate Change?
Abstract+Obtuse.
~P~

FreesT[uesda]yle

Outsourcing
Keep your head up, guys.
For an artist, at it’s best
C.A.’s a pit stop.
~J~

Delivery to the following recipients failed
“No ‘e’ in Burrows,”
~P~ says. Calls the e-mailman
A lie to his face.
~J~

Freestyle

Jin Au-Yeung
In b-boy battle
The best lines are improvised.
Open the cipher
~P~

FTR
~J~ sends his regards
This is no ursupation
(I'm the errand boy.)
~P~

computer crashes
far too many fonts
spinning ball of death appears
piece of crap locks-up
~c~

Monster Creation
Dinner with the fam,
Haiku Battle and pasta.
My son is a fan!
~S~

Worth Seeing Once
We watched “Deja Vu”.
Thriller with a sci-fi twist
I liked it, “Thumbs Up”
~J~

When the Fever Spreads
Haiku catches on -
Office productivity
slows down each Monday
~J~

Breaking Borders
Halimah and I
did “Haiku Scrabble” last week.
Fun and challenging
~J~

New title: "Traffic Manger"
What does it all mean?
Outscourcing to India,
To design the ads.
~S~

Overheard in 2005 (true story)
Brad told his girlfriend
That P. Diddy dropped the “P”.
“So...he’s just Uffy?”
~J~

Thunder and Lightning
God snaps his fingers.
We watch, like children, full of
fear and wonder.
~J~

My Kind of Humor
One of the greatest
license plates I’ve ever seen
read quote: “IM A JENIUS”
~J~

Birthday Thoughts
As I age, I find
what “old” is gets redefined
For my peace of mind.
~J~

The Hab IT[hursday] Crowd

Fried Coke
Have you heard of this?
“Fried Coke” goes by many names;
We just called it “crack”.
~J~

Aptly Named
Dyer’s Hamburgers
uses hundred-year-old grease.
“Shhhh, heart! I’m eating!”
~J~

She's Gotta Hab It

Most Smartest
Ben Stein’s newest show
Models prove they’re not all dumb
Hilarious stuff
~J~

Be Vewwy Qwiet...
No music playing.
The headphones are often to
deter discussions.
~J~

Requiem for a Sleepwalker
Dreams himself awake
Each step spans two living worlds
Floating like a stone
~J~

I Don’t Like Disco, But...
KC and his Band
got as high as the Sunshine,
but could still get down
~J~

Lactose Intolerance
I “tolerate” fine -
It’s the people around me
who have to worry.
~J~

Retro Starburst ft Optimus Lime
Even when I'm broke
If I see a new flavor
There's no stopping me
~P~

Perambulating Por Capitol
Cake and coworkers
Lure me from the computer
For indulgent walks
~P~

e.mail. cummings
E-mail aesthetics
Are more important to me
Than verbal content
~P~

e.mail. cummings?! Nice!
At first glance, I was worried
Where that was headed...
~J~

[Back in the] HabiT[ue]s[day]

Cheez-Its and Skittles
When do snacks become
meals? 3 handfuls? 3 pounds?
"Serving Size" my ***.
~J~

The Observer
I think Will has quit,
He's got no game to speak of,
Bring your haiku, man!
~J~

My Son's Favorite
Creamy mac and cheese.
A gourmet batch is in the works.
"Happy Birthday, Gray!"
~S~

Dirty Little Secret
Secretly, I'm mad
At everyone in the world
who's taller than me.
~J~

It Only Sounds Racist
“Happy Mexican”.
If I knew a way, I’d still
dine there once a week.
~J~

Telemarketers
I chat up a storm.
Films, the weather, anything
But what they called for.
~J~

Telemarketers II
I too am a fan,
Of playing games with callers:
“Jack’s Bar and Grill!”
~S~

Tips and Tricks
No walkthroughs for me.
If I can’t figure it out,
I don’t deserve it.
~J~

It’s A COOKBOOK!!
Every New Year’s Day,
We turn to SciFi and watch
Twilight Zone all day.
~J~

Bad Habits/Guilty Pleasures

The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

Procrastination.
The bane I must overcome.
I'll get right on that.
~J~

Foody Call
It whispers to me.
Helplessly, I surrender.
Chocolatey goodness.
~J~

The Upside of Crack Addiction
Unlike most of you,
I’m never left wondering
Where the money goes.
~J~

Collector's Iterms
When new games come out
I'm first in line to buy them
But last to play them
~P~

Overheard
I'd rather record
Conversations that I hear
Than participate
~P~

Thanks for All the Fish
Stop offering me
Food that I'm allergic to.
Nuts are not worth death.
~P~

Ironically Approrpriate
I can't write witty
Headlines, subjects, or titles
So I choose nonsense
~P~

I Keep Very Old Receipts
In case in comes up,
I can tell you which toothpaste
I used in high school.
~J~

For the Look On Their Faces
I lock my car doors
whenever I’m in the ‘burbs
and white people walk by.
~J~

::Is Embarrassed::
Supernatural,
Teen drama. “The Covenant”
I loved that movie.
~S~

BCPH (bars of creamcheese per hour) [aka “inside joke”]
5 Bars of Cream Cheese,
I suggest no more than that.
Sherri eats that many.
~S~

Walkie Talkie
For reasons unknown,
I pace when I’m on the phone.
Laps in the kitchen.
~J~

X-Phile: Circa 1995
Don’t call. Don’t stop by.
John will be out of contact
‘til the credits roll.
~J~

5-7-5
Needless to say, folks,
This whole “weekly haiku” thing
clearly qualifies...
~J~

My Bad
{10/25/07 @ 10:52AM}
I just realized that
I didn't hit reply all.
Now read my haikus
~M~

Baked Goods?
They say it's bad to
partially hydrogenate.
These cupcakes are soft!
~M~

Winging It
I gave up on my
vegetarianism.
To eat chicken wings.
~M~

Carpe Diem
Beautiful Sunday,
ripe for productivity.
I'm sleeping past noon.
~M~

Mostly Grown Up
Every Friday -
A nice dinner with live jazz,
And then we watch Aang.
~J~

Mickey D’s
I know it’s crap, but
Those fries smell sooo goood! Damn you,
I AM lovin’ it!
~J~

[Wednes]Day Job

http://dealnews.com/features/Haiku-Reviews/192177.html
Haiku reviewer:
It's a clever idea but
don't quit your day job.
~M~

http://dailynewshaikus.com
That is his day job.
Videogames and Nerd tech.
Blow-up doll ordered.
~J~

Traveling 2[uesday]

The Mystery Machine
Homeless teenagers,
weed (let's be real), and a dog.
That van stank like hell.
~J~

Letter Monopoly
Somehow "A" and "B"
have cornered the alphabet
of our travel plans.
~J~

greyhound
memphis to Knoxville
12 hours via georgia.
smell of diesel, mmmm
~c~

The Dead
stoners and preppies
caravan for the summer
jerry was a God
~c~

If I Could Go Back
I’d meet the Ancients,
Greeks, Romans, Norse, Pyramid
Builders of Mankind.
~S~

Christopher C. Can Take a Flying Leap
The Vikings came first.
Why do we celebrate Chris?
I boycot 10-12.
~S~

schipol airport
walkways talk to you
constantly say, "mind your step".
Turkish man falls down
~c~

Riding on the Metro
It's not just a song
no smoking now on platform
les casseurs riot.
~c~

A Single Step...
Why go anywhere?
The internet can fit the
whole world in my lap.
~J~

Walking in Memphis (Also not just a song)
We went to Graceland.
Not as tacky as you’d think.
Well...the people were.
~J~

In the Future
Airlines will take you
Across the Solar System.
And still lose your bags.
~J~

Travelling

Vacation
Each time, ask if you’re
Heading toward someplace [or]
Or just fleeing where you are.
~J~

The New Mason-Dixon Line
The true test is if
your beverage options include
actual sweet tea.
~J~

One Second Per Second
Astride the arrow
we move in one direction...
Time travelers all.
~J~

Where the Heart Is
Moving from state to
State the obvious, home is
Relative(s). “Ashay”.
~J~

One Week
Mel and I, planning:
May in the Carribean.
Last year was perfect
~S~

Early Twenties
A trip to Cali,
The Dead, The Canyon, Vegas,
Desert and Mountain.
~S~

Pet Peeve #18
They go someplace new,
But spend all their time looking
for a McDonald’s.
~J~

Why We’re Doomed
Walked to work today.
Saved gas, money, the Earth...but
my feet hurt. Screw that.
~J~

Cloud Forest
Costa Rica was
the best vacation EVER.
Honeymoon magic...
~J~

Bi-weekly Means Semi-Weekly, but not vice versa
A "cheap" Disney trip
Costs twice (according to ads)
My post-tax paycheck
~P~

Although You're Less Likely to Get Shot Than in Jamaica
All of my siblings
Were born in The Bahamas.
That's no vacation.
~P~

Don't Get Me Wrong; Some of My Best Friends are Chinatown Buses
I refuse to ride
Any "Chinatown" buses
Where Greyhound costs less
~P~

An Old, Bad Joke
It’s called “rush hour”
But no one’s moving! Get it?!
HAI-KU-LARIOUS!
~J~

airports suck
shoes off then shoes on.
beep beep time for random search.
find nothing...miss plane.
~c~

the tax man and woman always cometh
lady republic
wants me to pay her taxes.
uncle sam does too.
~c~

no comprende
don't speak any french
i can still order a beer
but can't read a lick.
~c~

Thoughts from the Back of a Cab
You think you’re so smart,
slowing down to miss the light...
Your tip will suffer.
~J~

Learn the Language
After a year's stay,
a man at the market said
"Welcome to Cyprus!"
~M~

Don't Make Me Come Back There
One more time and I
swear I'll turn this car around.
"Dad, are we there yet?"
~M~

χ^2ldhood Memories

Childhood Mystery
The Wise One, when asked,
Solved the world’s greatest riddle...
“One, two-HOO, three! Three.”
~J~

A Chilhood Remembrance – Delayed
“Hollywood Feed” Ad,
Working Furious and Fast.
No time to write back.
~S~

The War Half Won
“Knowing,” Duke tells me,
“Is half the battle.” Advice,
never forgotten.
~S~

Black, Red, Blue, Yellow & Green
“And I’ll form the head!”
Says Keith, proudly leading the
five lion pilots
~S~

I want my MTV
My cable system
Had the box with the slider
And Dad’s remote? Me
~J~

School Lunch
Six-sided pizza,
French fries and chocolate milk
Write your own punchline.
~J~

Entertainment System
After school I was
kneeling in the living room,
playing with power.
~M~

Ben Winkler

Geico has an ad

Starring a Cabbage Patch Kid.

It's creepy on mute
~P~

Greg Havens
One: Death Star Playset,
Two: All the action figures.
Let’s play at his house!
~S~

“Eric Ran Away from the Fire”
Someday I’ll tell you
Of when my bro breathed fire.
Funny story...now.
~J~

Alien Life Form
Furry brown creature.
He was just like you and me
If we both ate cats.
~J~

Childhood Memories

Puberty
We are all ugly.
Everyone else...beautiful.
Alone together.
~J~

Alabama Summer
A dusty backyard,
Honeysuckle and sweet tea.
Too young to say thanks.
~J~

Thundercats Ho!
With staggering speed,
The character I liked most
became Cheetarah.
~J~

My Kingdom
Fast, not the fastest,
Not the smartest, or strongest...
But Dodgeball, I RULED.
~J~

On the Radio
The birth of Hip Hop.
The height of Big Hair Rock and Roll.
The death of Disco.
~J~

3-2-1 Contact
'Square One' taught me more
About 'Dragnet' and Pac-Man
Than actual math
~P~

Who Would Copy a Copy Company?
Mice had one button
Because only Macs Had Mice
(Don't tell Xerox-PARC)
~P~

Am I Misremembering This?
For chicken tenders
"A limited time only"
Meant "until I die."
~P~

Then and Now
If you’d have told me
I’d be paying for water,
I’d have dubbed that “wack”.
~J~

Just Like Old Times
I’ve got the game board,
called my friends, and set out snacks...
But no one’s playing :o(
~J~

Quality Time
I spent all morning
watching cartoons on TV.
All afternoon, too.
~M~

On Refreshment
Why does mom always
get soda or purple stuff?
Sunny D, alright!
~M~

Keeping Perspective
Watching my cartoons.
Junk food and drawing pictures.
You sure I grew up?
~J~

War is Heck, I guess
I learned from the shows
GI Joe and The A-Team
that war never kills.
~J~

Machine vs. Man

When do you guys start?
Or should I just jump in now?
I need haiku rules.
~P~

There are no rules here,
Well, aside from the format.
Let the games begin!
~J~

TODAY’S TOPIC: MACHINE vs. MAN

Factory Workers
The Future is now,
The work they do was once ours.
Should we build a fence?
~J~

Ode to Asimov
In service to man,
Or enslaving our people...
Either way, they’re cool.
~J~

WarGames
An 80’s classic!
Ferris Beuler saved the day!
“Shall we play a game?”
~J~

Alarm Clock
Yesterday was yours,
But now I'm ready for you!
I thwart thee! "Snooze" bi**h!
~J~

2.0?
Old Megtron +
A Ginsu knife set =
The NEW Megatron
~J~

Off Topic
"Michael Benedict"
Makes me hungry for eggs with
Hollandaise and ham.

~S~

Growing Up

Ha! Eggs Benedict!

A clever discovery!

It's an old joke though.

~M~

I.T.
The internet's great -
I get work done much faster.
Look, pictures of cats!
~M~

The Commuter
As a boy I thought
I would be an astronaut.
Step back, doors closing.
~M~

Not the Musical
"Deep blue" used to mean
The sea. Now, it beats the champ,
Garry Kasparov
~S~

Terminated
Lumbering, gleaming,
Zombies of metal. Killing.
Skynet must have won
~S ~

Falling Minmei
Lurching and reaching,
Rick fights his metal giant,
he must gain control!
~S ~

America's Pastime
Thanks to Nintendo
I am no longer ashamed
To play with my Wii.
~J~

Shaqpunk (aka John, I Mean, It's Right There)
The obvious choice
Is John Henry and the train
You want a do-over?
~P~

More Machine than Man
The Emperor dies
By the hand of Skywalker
And vice versa
~P ~

Enterprising
We boldly go where
Resistance may be futile
But plots are fertile
~P ~

The Fall Guy
Upon reflection,
Steve Austin WAS tailor-made
To be a stuntman.
~J~

Good Enough
We can rebuild him.
We have the technology...
but it's time for lunch.
~M~

Act Now
Easy installments
of $99.99
will not tone your abs.
~M~

Tact
I wanted to call,
but it fell in the toilet.
Baby, you're the best.
~M~

Alien Librarian
Krypton is no more
I contain its history
And fight its last son
~P ~

Funny, She Doesn't Look Druish
It was the last time
A "live-action" transformer
Was designed to suck
~P ~

Couldn't Afford an Online Archive of News Articles So She Named Her Daughter Alexis-Nexis [aka {Wikiality}]
We need paper trails
Otherwise we change the past
To fit our needs
~P ~

Advanced Civilization
Most popular use of
Nanite technology?
Curing hangovers.
~J~

Unchecked
When science goes wrong,
Untold horrors can arise.
Ergo, “Turbo Teen.”
~J~

Overheard Six Years Ago...
You don’t understand.
The mission is all that matters.
I am sorry, Dave.
~J~

“Nice Shell!”
Woman and machine,
Motoko Kusanagi.
Strength through ghost hacking.
~S~

Man vs. Machine
Dark deserted road...
18-wheeler meets John Doe.
18-wheeler wins.
~J~

Overheard @ RFK: All that train talk got me excited

Untitled
At Union Station
Off-peak trains are slow to come.
Hey, is that your bag?
~M~

Underground
Winding through D.C.,
The worm eats then ejects us.
A vicious cycle.
~J~

Haiku for Heroes

Super Star
Blessed yellow Sun,
Giving warmth and light to all
Even more to one...
~J~

Friendly Neighborhood
“With great power comes
great responsibility.
‘Nuff said.” - Stan the Man
~J~

Batman Begins
Alone, all alone...
Two lights fade in the darkness
And the darkness turns.
~J~

Emerald Dawn
A corps’ greatest star.
Bringing light to blackest night,
Flying on willpower.
~S~

Rock of Eternity
For Wisdom, and Strength,
Stamina, Power, Courage,
Speed. One word...”Shazam!”
~S~

Bizarre
Down is up, up is backwards
It no add up here.
Him am strange. Where Lois is?
~S~

The Fire
Friend, brother-in-law
sister, and Johnny makes four.
Where there's smoke, there's...me :)

Weapon X
Scars that none can see
Unbreakable, head-to-toe...
A heart that won't heal

Puny Words
Pretty words stupid.
Hulk no count! Counting Stupid!
Hulk angry! HULK SMASH!!

http://vaderloveschristmas.ytmnd.com/

Outside My Window
Motes of soft crystal.
Their sole concern is falling...
slowly...as...they...can....
~J~

Christina Aguilera
The best sort of snow
Leaves you with a different
kind of runny nose
~P~

Toronto, Ontario
Do you remember
The guy that sang "Informer"?
He's from Canada
~P~

Ice, Ice Baby
You’d think white rappers
would try harder to avoid
the obvious puns.
~J~

Un-cuddly Snowman
“Abominable”
is harsh...at worst he’s “cranky”.
He just needs a hug.
~J~