As Seen on TV - Mōnandæg

Dear 'Gossip Girl' and/or 'Chuck' Fans
Do not trust Josh Schwartz:
Season 3 of 'The OC'
Broke too many hearts
~P~

Fresh Prince of Taxicab Confessions
[This is] a story
All about how I DROVE from
Philly to Bel-Air?
~P~

Albert Clifford Slater
Breaking the 4th wall
Took Zack out of the TV
And into my heart
~P~

I chuckle aloud
every time I think of
"werewolf bar mitzvah"
~E[dot]S~

get this, ~P~
in fourth grade, Slater
showed up at the local gym:
impromptu field trip!
~E[dot]S~


Flights of Freshness
To squeeze in more laughs,
Will Smith’s plane ride wound up on
the cutting room floor
~J~

I shouldn’t laugh, but....
The expression on
the guy’s face when he slips makes
me LMAO!
~J~

Truth in Advertising
The Magic Bullet
(blender, not that other thing)
actually works!
~J~

Stories, Fables and Fairy Tales - Aoine

Eminently Practical
St. Patrick and the
Pied Piper- talk about a
perfect partnership!
~J~

According to Odysseus:
“For someone with no
depth perception, that cyclops
aims rocks pretty well!”
~J~

Jiminy Cricket: Failed Moral Compass
Wait...don’t stars have to
fall before getting wished on?
That puppet cheated!!
~J~

Girls Interrupted
Alice, Dorothy....
These days their next fantastic
trip would be rehab.
~J~

Stories, Fables and Fairy Tales - Déardaoin

Cow jumps over moon
So the cow's a lunatic
Ahhh, mad cow disease
~R~

How do Jews survive
Attacks by Count Dracula
With no crucifix?
~R~

Silver for werewolves
Magic weapons for dragons
Peasants had it rough
~R~

Sam had a demon
Dean had sex with an angel
John is simply dead
~R~

Woman in the shoe
Barely fed and whipped her kids
Sounds like child abuse
~R~

Stories, Fables and Fairy Tales - Céadaoin

Family Films
Somewhere there's a rule:
No child in a Disney film
should have 2 parents.
~J~

L.R.R.H.
What kind of costume
Did the Big Bad Wolf put on
to trick the Grandma?
~J~

The Moral of the Chocolate Factory
When charming madmen
Show you experimental
candy, don't eat it.
~J~

Kanga & Roo were a Folie à Deux
Did you realize
Winnie the Pooh was stuffed, but
Rabbit was alive?
~P~

The Gemeinschaft is Always Gesellschaft on the Other Side
City/Country mice
Are a false dichotomy—
[What about suburbs?]
~P~

AKA How the Leopard Got His Spots
Kipling's best work was,
"How the Ethiopian
"Was Racially Slurred."
~P~

Men, Women, and Relationships - ♃

H
Friend, family, wife.
Three distinct ways to love, one
amazing woman.
~J~

Unspoken Wedding Vows
As the world rains down,
we are both umbrellas, and
hold the other high.
~J~

The Secret
No gentle caress
could be as intimate as
simple eye contact.
~J~

Molly Ringwald
Treated unfairly,
she waits just two hours for
redemption at prom.
~Мир~

G-Chat Romance
I gave you my heart.
Then you gave me your last name
next to a green dot.
~Мир~

Office Productivity
Before computers
how did flirting coworkers
send each other links?
~Мир~

Why all the Drama?
Love's really just a
personnel search with a tough
security clearance.
~Мир~

But...
If it weren't for love
our radios would crackle
for lack of pop songs.
~Мир~

Men, Women, and Relationships - ☿

The "Settling Down" Equation
The point of dating
Is to do it so well, that
you can stop dating.
~J~

"Yes, dear. You're Right Dear..."
It wouldn't be so
Hard to say if it wasn't
so true so often.
~J~

*Disclaimer
Note: The previous
haiku is in no way an
admission of guilt
~J~

Seapration Anxiety
I can not sleep well,
When my Pooh goes out of town.
The bed is empty.
~S~

Separation Anxiety Part 2
Why is she bothered?
"Shawn went away" is just part
Of IM culture.
~S~

Online "Dating"
There's no way to tell,
if the picture she posted
is 20 years old.
~m~

Soul Mates
Waiting for The One
doesn't mean you can't enjoy
the two or the three.
~m~

Old Joke
If it's true that there's
a person for everyone,
they must be busy.
~m~

First statement
There is just no way
I want to get into this
before I am drunk.
~E[dot]S~

I lied; this is my favorite topic.
Love relationships:
The drama is absorbing,
whether good or bad.
~E[dot]S~

From myself, a year ago
Here is my advice:
Do not date anybody.
Anywhere. Ever.
~E[dot]S~

Last night's reprisal
According to my
tearful, broken-hearted friend:
"NEVER fall in love."
~E[dot]S~

Obviously, I am still single
"You have more dates than
anyone I know," she said.
Thanks, Adams Morgan!
~E[dot]S~

What's Your Sign?
Back in the 80's,
people's shirts read "Boy" and "Girl";
It was hard to tell.
~J~

A Night to Remember
I can't recall Prom.
No, I wasn't drunk or high,
I just blocked it out.
~J~

Famous Last Words
"Hey, we need to talk..."
"This isn't what it looks like!"
Anything with "bit*h"
~J~

These are from K
My awesome roommate
deserves to have her haiku
read (judged?) by strangers.
~E[dot]S~

Arriving at Scott's
He shivers in his shorts
We kiss in the doorway and
He pulls me inside
~K~

Unrequited
Sometimes you think that
The one who's perfect for you
Is also a douche.
~K~

My philosophy
Love and playing games
Should refer to sexy roles
Not causing drama
~K~

For E[dot]S
Who can predict the
Vicissitudes of the heart?
So don't give up hope.
~K~

I am forty-six
When I say that I'm single
"So what's wrong with you?"
~R~

Why are the planets
Mars and Venus drawn into
our Earthly dramas?
~R~

We remember 8
6 7 5 3 0 9
But who is Jenny?
~R~

There is no way to
win if she is always right
Just grin and bear it
~R~

Someone once said "There
are no happy endings for
nothing ever ends."
~R~