Regular Schedules / The Daily Grind

My Money's Worth
Once I've brushed my teeth,
I might delay breakfast for
maximum value.
~J~

Leap Year
After 4 years, the
Gregorian calendar
gives us our change back.
~J~

The Future is Now
Our DVR
Makes the concept of "Prime Time"
quaint and obsolete.
~J~

My First Job
Nobody told me
that your lunch hour
includes travel time
~J~

Payday
On Friday at three
The check is in my mailbox
Remuneration
~m~

Sign of the Times
The phrase "like clockwork"
is meaningless now that our
clocks are digital.
~m~

Ides of April
While both are certain,
at least with taxes you know
when you have to pay.
~m~

Travel Time
You mean all this time
Lunch started when I left work?
That's preposterous!
~S~

New Job Blues
I've gotten used to
The monotony and grind
Of the job I have.
~S~

My Time
Standing at the stove
Listening to NPR
Cooking, relaxing
~S~

Media Wh*re
Watching Japanese
Movies, DVDs, TV,
Much better than sleep.
~S~

Pet Peeve #37
To be considered
"a season", a show needs more
than 10 episodes.
~J~

TGIF
Weekends were "Free" Time.
Now it's "Stuff I Couldn't Do
During the Week" time.
~J~

Tearier Relativity
When you're six years old,
a 5-minute time out seems
like eternity.
~J~

Moment of Silence
Let us pause, dear friends.
Philip will be taking a
haiku hiatus...
~J~

RE: Haiku Hiatus
"I've grown accustomed
To his emoticons," sang
Professor Higgins.
~Мир~

My Brother Has to Work on His Birthday
No birthday time off.
Age may come before beauty,
But duty trumps age.
~J~

Fantasy Island Itinerary
“Dear guests, please resolve
your lifelong issues before
the next guests arrive.”
~J~

Date Night
My true love and I
spent 10 long years not dating.
Pick you up at 8.
~J~

Direct Deposit
It’s like the love child
of the banking industry
and the Tooth Fairy.
~J~

Ethnic Combover
As my bald spot grows,
my monthly dreadlock-trimming
grows more infrequent.
~J~

Never Be Late Again
Why can’t subways be
built more like roller coasters?
Commuting!! Wooo-HOOOO!!!
~J~

Fiscally Fit
Subtle protection.
Like hushed wars of white blood cells...
Bills on autopay.
~J~

My 5-year-old Self Thought I’d Be Rich by Now
A great plan, but the
millionaire mountain-climber
market went under.
~J~

Software Evolution Theory
I guess I fear change.
I decline the free updates.
Remind me later.
~J~

Joint Custody in Hell
Every two weeks,
Damien spends the weekend
with his dad. Awk-waarrd.
~J~

The Zen of Marriage and Meals

Culinary wants

are tempered by compromise:

Burger meets Gouda.

~H~

Martha Stewart Ain't Got Nothing on My Mama

Mom raised nine children

Ensures hundreds more are schooled

And she bakes from scratch.

~H~

"Clean House", Curing OCD One Episode at a Time

There's a perverse joy

In seeing filthy dwellings

Purged through comedy

~H~

Scary Things - ホワイトデ

Why My Phone Calls are Short and Dull
Big Brother listens,
But I’m not obligated
To entertain him.
~J~

Your Nerd is Showing
That look...when sci-fi
comments have to be explained:
Pity meets blank stare...
~J~

Blasé About Pascal's Wager
Can Mormons' G-d "Play
"Dice with the universe" well
If he can't gamble?
~P~

Dadaedalus
Where's the line between
Being a nonconformist
And nonfunctional?
~P~

Gateway "Fug"
Bowdlerization
Might desensitize me to
Real profanity
~P~

A World Without Wikipedia
I would only “get”
about half of P’s haikus...
Plus be more dumber.
~J~

A World Without Google
Like they said in school,
“The only stupid query
is one you don’t ask.”
~J~

A World Without Ebay
Where else would I find
all the crap I once had the
good sense to throw out?
~J~

Drivers On Cell Phones
You can use your phone
to take nice photos of the
accident you caused.
~J~

Sho’Nuff: The Shogun of Harlem
Kung fu gangleader.
One scary mo-fo, thanks to
the Glow...(and Soul Glo).
~J~

Medieval Dragons
They breathed fire, right?
Do you think they cooked things
while they were eating them?
~J~

Real Life Stuff
Your first house...first child...
saying “I do.” All those things
that mean you’ve grown up.
~J~

Scary Things - Jerdrein

Going to the Doctor
Not going (because
we fear hearing bad news) makes
bad news more likely.
~J~

They’re All Around You
People who believe
W’s presidency
hasn’t been so bad.
~J~

Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton’s fame;
Simply because I fear what
I don’t understand.
~J~

Scary Things - Jecrean

Dreamcatcher-22
Leaving the office
I fear both missing emails
And receiving none
~P~

Education Secretary
Misspellings haunt me
Long after the reader has
Forgotten my words
~P~

Siege Oedipus
I'm perilously
Close to calling most female
Authorities, "Mom."
~P~

'Guns' are the New 'Bully'
How safe are the schools?
In my day we played and learned.
Biggest fear? Bully.
~S~

Job Insecurity
being caught sneaking
back from a very long lunch.
will they notice me?
~S~

I Was Trippin'
A once affected
Employment of slang is now
Natural to me
~P~

The Reality of the Situation Comedy
I don't watch 'Idol'
Not because I won't like it
But because I will
~P~

(._.)
My sincerity
Is confused for sarcasm
Even with smileys
~P~

Alone at Night
The child in his bed.
Shadows shift in the corner.
Parents sound asleep.
~J~

Dietary Supplements
You have centipedes
and cats...recipe for a
self-solving problem.
~J~

Sidewalk Dangers
Inside my pocket,
I grip my keys extra tight
crossing over grates.
~J~

Calls from Family
I live far from them.
Each call, a part of me fears,
harbors tragedy.
~J~

Coming Out
I suppose it's time
to conquer my senseless fear
of emailed haiku.
~Мир~

Adolescent Intuition
In high school I feared
not getting the answer wrong,
but getting it right.
~Мир~

Stairs Are Not For Excercise
An elevator
is a small, sealed, empty room
supported by string.
~Мир~

Superpowers
Did you ever play
the icebreaker where you choose
to fly or to hide?
~Мир~

True Confessions (JK and Мир)
Welcome, and thank you.
I was beginning to fear
no new folks would write.
~J~

Identity Theft
I cross out numbers
Before shredding documents.
And I'm still not safe.
~J~

Falling in Love (Resistance is Futile)
In truth, commitment
is like falling; once you land
It’s kinda comfy.
~J~

Global Warming (Pollution/Toxic Waste/Blah-Blah-Blah...)
It used to scare me.
Now I just recycle more
and hope for the best.
~J~

Scary Things - Jemayrt

In Tandem (The Plug!)
This week's sketch battle.
Put pencil to paper...twice,
And draw "Scary Things."
~S~

Drawing isn't scary (SHAMELESS!)
"draw...please draw," I ask.
Be creative here and there.
Talent not needed.
~S~

Arachnids
Eight-legged animals
[Inherently] creep us out
(Yes, even Sleipnir)
~P~

Clowns
You know they are not
Really that happy: an all
Too familiar lie
~P~

Babies
Able to command
Our hearts, but not their own
Gastrointestine[‡]
~P~

[‡] OR Poetic Learner's Permit
When I make up words
I worry people think I
Don't know they are fake
~P~

Because I Can't Sleep When Centipedes Roam the Molding, and I Have Cats
Aqua Net is a
useful substitute when Raid
isn't an option.
~JK~

Scary Things - Jelune

Real or imagined,
Some stuff freaks you the hell out.
That's this week's topic.
~J~

The Unknown
The final frontier...
The undiscovered country...
Odd-numbered "Trek" films...
~J~

Studies Have Shown...
Most fear death less than
public speaking. From the grave:
"Whew! Dodged that bullet!"
~J~

Blind Date Surprise
(Disclaimer: Views expressed in the haiku below do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the management.)
Is she pretty? Check.
Great personality? Check!
Three kids? Wow...Check please!
~J~

The Low-Hanging Fruit
As Roosevelt said,
"The only thing we have to
fear, is fear itself"
~J~

In Honor of Radio Raheem - An Aoine

What's Not to Love? (An Ode to JI and PB)
They cover the news,
Write trenchant haikus, and are
Kind to nut-case Jews.
~JK~

Ain't Talkin' Tiddlywinks
Don't hate the player:
Hate the game (just dislike the
Player for playing).
~P~

Inanmiation
When you love something
Don't set it "free;" nobody
Enjoys rejection
~P~

Apollo 13
Jim Lovell's highest
Civilian honor: Having
Been played by Tom Hanks.
~P~

Loveline
It's a shame that Drew
Pinsky is less famous than
Adam Carolla
~P~

Movie Review
We watched Black Snake Moan.
Does ‘Skanky girls need love too’
count as a moral?
~J~

James Todd Smith
Ladies Love Cool James;
Few rappers’ aliases
are whole sentences.
~J~

A Rasta Once Told Me....
“Don’t appreci-ate,
appreci-love!” Don’t blame me
cause you ‘ate h’s.
~J~

If Bush Had His Way
Gynecologists
Could “practice their love” freely
across the country.
~J~

Bridge to Terabithia
Beloved childhood tomes
Made into flashy movies
Often let me down
~H~

Lift every voice and sing
Black History month’s
anthem always sounds dreary
Folks, sing it with love!
~H~

In Honor of Radio Raheem - An Déardaoin

Tragically Delicious
I want to lose weight -
Unfortunately, CakeLove
is on the way home.
~J~

Minnie Ripperton’s “Loving You”
I keep trying to
make a haiku with this song...
but I got nuthin’.
~J~

Tin Roof...rusted
Stipe says the Love Shack
line doesn’t mean “She’s pregnant”.
Urban myth...busted.
~J~

20 Years Later, It’s Still Funny
Mouse A mugs Mouse B -
“Give that back! That’s NACHO cheese!”
HA! I love that joke!
~J~

In Honor of Radio Raheem - An Chéadaoin

Better than a Boat
Let’s start a Love Train,
people all over the world!
Let’s wash our hands first!
~J~

Red, White, Black, Brown or Green (or Why do people assume their ignorance is shared?)
Don’t assume I hate.
Racist comments have no place
In my inbox. (f**k!)
~S~

How Heavy a Haiku? (Lovely...)
Mostly just for fun,
But sometimes my poetry
Becomes a soapbox.
~S~

Bring the Heavy
All weights are welcome.
I’d love for this to become
truly expressive.
~J~

Method to my Madness
Part of the reason
I chose the “Love/Hate” topic
was to help do that
~J~

The Root of Ignorant Hate
Where does it come from?
Poor self-esteem is my guess,
Haters: Try Yoga!
~S~

the bridge between hate and love
On a lighter note,
I present the following
Three lines of haiku:

More Milkshake (The Lowbrow)
Just which body part,
Brings all the boys to the yard?
I’d sure love to know!
~S~

Natural High
There exists nowhere
a more powerful tonic
than a lover’s smile.
~J~

Grammar by Blige
Conjugation was
redefined when Mary J.
coined “hateration”
~J~

Isosceles
Looking up, he saw
his true love through the window,
in her true love’s arms
~J~

Love and Hate Personified
Radio Raheem
wore his heart not on his sleeve,
but on his knuckles.
~J~

AAVEtymology
I am pretty sure
"Hateration" derived from
The pun "Haterade."

Keep in mind that "hate"
— In this sense — is more about
Envy than contempt

"Haters" pull down their
Peers like the proverbial
Crabs In a barrel

While a "hater" can
"Come at" their betters, they are
Nothing to a boss
~P~

In Honor of Radio Raheem - An Mháirt

Put Another Way
The only rule is
‘love’ or ‘hate’ (or some version)
must appear each time.
~J~

Once More, with Feeling
I hate deja vu.
I feel like fate’s reminding
me that I am its b****
~J~

My Application to Harvard
Question: What do you
do in your spare time? I wrote
“Hate on rich people.”
~J~

The Actual Poem is Kinda Raunchy
“I think that I shall
Never see a poem as
Lovely as a tree...”
~J~

Milkshake Meme
Sing There Will Be Blood
To the tune of Maroon 5's
Hit, "She Will Be Loved."
~P~

Yoda Koa[n]
Fear leads to anger;
Anger leads to hate; hate leads
To Meet the Spartans.
~P~

Poor AIM
Once I finally
Saw Annie Hall, the word "lurve"
Ceased being funny
~P~

"Miss Nancy" and "Aunt Fancy" OR A Haiku Not About A Movie
Avuncular love
Made Harriet Lane the best
Of all First Ladies
~P~